2009 Movie Marathon : May

From «Død snø», the best Norwegian movie ever made. Yes, really!

= total waste of time, stay away
= if you have absolutely nothing better to to
= weeeell, its ok i guess, it has parts worth seeing but don’t expect too much
= pretty good! but probably not worth seeing twice
= really, really great
= a must!

  1. Homeboy () Mickey Rourke. Christopher Walken. A premise very similar to The Wrestler. Good stuff! Quotes: «I just flew in from the coast, my arms are tired». + «What is jewish?»
  2. Journal of a Contract Killer () Stay away. Europroduction, starts with VERY bad acting, and contains one scene of «movie use of computer» = randomly pushing keys on keyboard with no corresponding logic in what happens on the screen, a more unforgiving act in a movie than a carchase or using flashlights :).  Quote: «You where the best and now you smell of the kitchen».
  3. City Rats () British flick from 2009, with a great tagline: Life isn’t like it is in the movies… Quotes: «If I see you again I’m going to do something and you will not like it. I probably won’t hit you, but I will piss in your handbag, and maybe your face. Ok?» + She: «Want a drink?» He: «I live to drink.» + Man buying watermelon: «If I drop one of these from a roof, which one will make the most mess?» + – Why do you have that picture on your fridge? – I used to know a guy in the scrubs. He had a picture, a Ferrari or whatever on his wall. He said it gave him something to aim for when he got out. He got out, O.D., never got a car. So I have a beer on there, cuz all I have to do is open my fridge in the morning, and I’ve achieved my goal for the day. Good to start on a positive.» + She: «You’re an alcoholic.» He: «Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk.»
  4. Fanboy () Kind of dissapointing, but perhaps my hopes where set to high after literally years of news about this Star Wars tribute movie. Still, entertaining enough, and gave me alot of laughs. Quotes:  «Get the hell out of here you Kirk loving Spock suckers!» + «Our names shall become legend, spoken in hushed tones by nerds across the galaxy» + «Captain Picard is not gay, he is British!» + «You’re cool as balls you burned out old hash-head» + «That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard since Schumacher put nipples on Batman» + «The password: Scruffy Nerfherder» + «Chewie, prepare to make the jump to hyperspeed» + «What in Gods name is living on your chest? It looks like you fell on Alf» + «Did THEY name their right hand Leia?»
  5. State of play () Whatever, seen this plot so many times before, and State of play adds very little new to the political thriller genre.
  6. Valkyrie () Tom Cruise suites the role of a one eyed ex-Nazi! Based on a true story, read more about it on Wikipedia Quote: «I’d like a pistol please, for personal reasons»
  7. S. Darko () I keep waiting for the pornmusic to start, so this movie is a total FAIL. Donnie Darko was a masterpiece, but this is just a sucky teenangst tease flick with a few «spooky» scenes w/voicechanger thrown in. (Wikipedia ). Donnie Darko’s writer and director, Richard Kelly, has stated that he has no involvement with S. Darko.
    He stated «To set the record straight, here’s a few facts I’d like to
    share with you all — I haven’t read this script. I have absolutely no
    involvement with this production, nor will I ever be involved.» Chris Fisher, director of S. Darko, noted that he was an admirer of Kelly’s film, and that he hoped «to create a similar world of blurred fantasy and reality.» Quote: «In highschool, you are eighter invisible or an asshole.»
  8. Big Eden () Feelgood. Reminds me of Nothern Exposure, one of my favorite «rural» tv-series. But falls flat after a while.
  9. Showgirls  () Horrible movie, but some really hot scenes will full nudity is always a boon, and a Hollywood rarity.
  10. Star Trek () 2009. Just saw Star Trek on a 4k cinema projector. Pretty cool, best Trek movie ever. But it has a few plot holes, and takes some shortcuts.
  11. Star Trek First Contact () Gigantic plot hole. The Borg adapt to phaser fire. So why not have the computer replicate old bullet-based weapons? Case closed, battle won, movie over in 10 minutes. Quotes: «Resistance is futile.» +  «Borg. Sounds Sweedish!» + «The economics of the future is somewhat different. Money doesn’t exist in the 24th sentury. The acquisition of wealth is no longer the driving fource in our lives. We work to better ourselves and the rest of humanty.» + «If you where any other man, I would kill you where you stand» – Worf
  12. Star Trek 7 – Generations () I wonder why most of the Star Trek movies (except the last one) looks like it was produced for television, with flat colors and veeery safe action. Quotes: Data: I hate this! Its revolting? Bartender: «More?» Data, enthusiasticly: «Please!» + «They say that time is the fire in which we burn. Right now my time is running out. We leave som many things unfinished in our lives.» + «Building a life»
  13. [embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/XIx4pbOfOFg]
    Død Snø () Ekstremt bra, og utrolig morsom! Må si jeg begynner å få tilbake troen på norsk film.  Sitat: «Æ sa vi sku reise te Sunny Beach!»
  14. Timebandits () Quote: «When I have understanding in computers, I shall be the supreme being. God isn’t interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time. 43 species of parrot. Nipples for men.» + «If I where creating a world I wouldn’t mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers. Eight-o-clock! Day 1!»
  15. X-Men () Yay! Wolverine! Again, on DVD. Nice to watch this after the new Wolverine.  Wolverine: «Hey hey hey, its me.» Gay guy with laser eyes AKA Cyclops: «Prove it.» Wolvering: «You’re a dick.» Cyclops: «OK»
  16. Goodfellas () 1990. Nice continuous shot in the restaurant about 16 minutes in. Many of the actors from Sopranos appear in this.
  17. Star 10 – Nemesis () Why is the light always so damned flat in all the Star Trek movies?  Plot hole. If you are a clone, and need a blood transfusion from the orignial, why not create another clone? Q uotes: «Data: I aspire to be better than I am» + «Tea, earl Grey. Hot.»
  18. Star Trek 9 – Insurrection () Quotes: «We believe that when you create a machine to do the work of a man, you take something away from the man» + «In the case of a water landing, I’ve been designed to serve as a floatation device» – Data + «Some of the darkest chapters in the history of my world  involved the forced relocation of a small group of people to satisfy the demands of a large one.» -Picard + «I have an odd craving for the blood of a live Colar beast» – Worff + «Have you noticed that your boobs has started to firm up?» – Data to Worff + «Data. Don’t forget. You have to have a little fun every day»
  19. Star Trek 6 – Undiscovered country ()
  20. Angels and demons () Tom Hanks should stop acting and concentrate on driving his electric car. Angels and Demons is a dreadful europroduction with a plot so dull you could cry.
  21. [embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/yXIGP6_fNZk]

    The Protector () The Protector aka «don’t fuck with my elephant or I will rip your ass off and shove it up your penis» http://is.gd/BpoS Not exactly art, but entertaining and spectacular. The Protector has the most insane continuous shot fight sequence ever filmed. According to the bonus material the 6 min continuous shot on The Protector is «real». See it on youtube http://is.gd/Bq1Y  6 out of 6 stars just for this scene. Incredible work! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0427954/

  22. Zombie Strippers () Boy to his virgin christian girlfriend about to strip for her grandmas operation: «Well if you must… I’m gonna watch» 
  23. Star Trek 5 – The Final Frontier () Cool intro. Quotes:  «The most important reason to climb a mountain: Because its there» – Captain Kirk + «I don’t want my pain taken away. I need my pain.»
  24. Star Trek 1 – The motion picture () Surprisingly good, I liked the tempo, and the plot was philosophic and nice like it should be in any good sci-fi movie. Cheesy bluescreen effects here and there, but the special effects are otherwise pretty good. I believe this is my favorite Star Trek movie.  The plot device where the Enterprise has some kind of technical problemem is starting to wear thin, and so is the endless sequences of panning and zooming over the star ship, and the reunion of the crew. But I do love Kirks «anti hero» status, and that two crewmembers dies the first time they use the transporter. It brings a much needed darkness to the story.
  25. Star Trek 2 – Wrath of Kahn () Bones is drunk as a skunk in this movie, as he was in all the episodes of the original series. And it references the newest movie as well. Severe plotholes: 1) Checkov not knowing that the planet about to be fubared by the Genesis project was inhabited by humans exiled there by Kirk. 2) The only surviving organism left on the planet is highly specialized and needs a mammal cotex for it’s offspring to grow. Quotes:  «As all living things : Each according to his gifts» + «The need of the many outweigh the needs of the few»
  26. Star Trek 3 – The search for spock () Quote: Scotty to talking elevator: «Up your shaft»
  27. Star Trek 4 – The Voyage Home () Quotes: «Do you guys like italian? Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes you do. Spock: Yes. + Scott talking into 20th century computer mouse: «Hello computer»
  28. «I Love You, Man» () Quotes: «I need to get some fucking friends.» + «It’s a man date» + «No lag between the vag» + «Every once in a while I go down to the boardwalk and throw my feces like a gorilla.» + «Welcome to the temple of doom» + «This is where I jerk off» + «Mother fucker fucking cock in my fucking «I’m 89 years old, what the fuck kind of plans would I have»

Av Morten Skogly

Creator of Things