“Fuckers like you built the hydrogen bomb. Men like you thought it up. You think you’re so creative. You don’t know what it’s really like to create something. To create a life and feel it growing inside you. All you know to create is death and destruction” -Sarah Connor
= Total waste of time, stay away = If you have absolutely nothing better to to = Weeeell, its ok i guess, it has parts worth seeing but don’t expect much = Pretty good! but probably not wort seeing twice = Really, really great = A must!
Chasing Amy () Funny, dirty and with signature Kevin Smith dialogue. Quotes: “It all goes back to something my grandmother told me: The big bucks are in dick and fart jokes.” + “It’s all about marketing: Over- or under-weight guys who can’t get laid are our bread and butter.” + Sign on bar wall: “And on the eight day, God created beer” + “You’re insane! Archie is NOT fucking mister Weatherbie” + “Everyone needs dick. Dykes: Bullshit posturing”
Echelon Conspiracy () What a turd of a movie. Quotes: -“Some day all of this will be yours.” -“Really?” -“No.”
Crossing over () What a sad world we live in. Interesting look into the immigration “business” of the USA. Quotes: “It’s easier to jerk yourself off in the shower than to rub her back for half an hour.”
Last of the living () Great premise but shot by amateurs. “A cure? I know a cure! It’s called karate.” + -“Stand up!” -“Why because I don’t want to hit you while you’re sitting down.”
Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure () Quotes: “This is a history report, not a babe report. But those are historical babes.” + Bogus. Heinous. Most non triumphant.” + “How’s it going royal ugly dudes?” + “What is a geek” – Siegmund Freud + “Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes.” – Abraham Lincoln
Adam Resurrected () Gruelling and excellent. Quote: “God is out to lunch. He left a note on your arm.” (referring to concentration camp tattoo)
Crank 2 () Woot! An audiovisual feast. Enjoyed the crap out of it, but it kind of crashed after 50 minutes. Two movie firsts for me: Silicon breasts with bullet holes + Guy with shotgun up his ass. Not pretty! Quote: “Fucking fuck your balls Chelios.”
Terminator Salvation () Yawn. And the dialogue is so utterly predictable. Like: “If you pull a gun on someone you better be ready to use it”. Jadda jadda jadda. Terminator Salvation never takes the time to build up the characters, so you really never cares what happens. And even besides that there is very littlesuspense. Seems like a webisode meant to tie the television series together with the first movies, but even without managing that, it is like there is a movie missing between this and the TV series. They even manage to squeeze in no less than two car chases, and I HATE car chases. “If you got a problem with the machines, he is definitely the guy to talk to.” If? IF? Who wrote this dribble! Quotes: “Get topside and tell those men to respond, even if they are dead.”
Terminator () My oh my how the effects have improved since 1984! I love how this movie takes its time to build up Sarah Connor. Compared to the newest Terminator film this old heap is so much better.
Caprica () Olalaa, I’m looking forward to this new television series. Quotes: “Find those things in life that make you cry, make you feel, because they will make you human” + -“There are no gods.” -“Then all the more reason to make our own justice”.
Terminator 2 Judgement day () Fantastic action movie, and one of the few movies made where a car chase actually betters the film. “John Connor: We’re not going to make it, are we? People I mean.” Terminator: “It’s in your nature to destroy yourselves.” + “Why did we get married, why did we have children. Your heart and your mind are in here (pats model of micro processor). But it doesn’t love you like we do.” + “I grew up in places like this, so I thought this was how people lived. Riding around in helicopters and learning to blow shit up.” + -“Are you ever afraid?” -“No” -“Not even of dying?” -“No.” -“You don’t feel any emotion about it one way or the other?” “No. I have to stay functional until the mission is complete. Then it doesn’t matter.” + “How where you supposed to know?! Fuckers like you built the hydrogen bomb. Men like you thought it up. Think you’re so creative. You don’t know what it’s really like to create something. To create a life and feel it growing inside you. All you know to create is death and destruction” -Sarah Connor + “I know now why you cry, but it is something I can never do.” – Arnold + “If a machine can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too” – Sarah Connor
Terminator 3 : Rise of the machines () Sucks ass. Very poor acting, especially from John Connors character.
Star Trek – Of gods and men () A fanmade mini series featuring cast from the original series. Worth watching if you are a Trekkie.
Night at the the museum () Lots of funny and playful scenes and I love how they made the different artworks come alive, especially the paintings and photographs. Quotes: To Darth Vader: “There is too much going on here. You’re evil. You’re asthmatic. You’re a robot. And what is the cape for? Are you going to the opera?” + “If you’re not exited about it then why do you do it.” + “Do you know why I became a pilot? For the fun of it. Why else would anyone do anything.” + “The key to happiness is doing what you love with people that you love.”
Dogma () Alanis Morisette is the cutest deity ever. And as always with Kevin Smith the dialogue is fantastic! Quotes: “You can’t be anal retentive if you don’t have an anus.” + “If I had a dick I’d go and get laid. Let’s do the next best thing. Let’s kill people.” + “Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.” + “Do you do anal? Is it true that chicks fart if you blast them in the ass?” + -“You knew Christ?” -“Knew him?! The nigger owes me 12 bucks!” [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120655/]
Road of no return () Shit, even with Carradine in it. Had to FF through it, completely horrendous.
Sixteen Candles () Can’t believe I have missed out on this! Classic 80s movie starring Molly Ringwall. Funny, and utterly charming. Quote: “Everything is just getting shittier, my family forgetting my birthday just makes everything much more vivid.” + “What do you have to complain about? I have to sleep under a china-man named after a ducks dork” + “I have had men that have loved me before, but never for 6 months in a row” + “Fully aged sophomore meat!” + Her: -“What’s your name?” Him: – “Dong”. Her: -“Whats you first name?” Him: -“Long”. Her: -“What’s your middle name?” Him: -“Duck” + “We’ve got a girl’s underwear, and 70 dollars. We are as safe as kittens. This is a great social opportunity for us!”
Babine ( or ) My first french Canadian movie. Beautiful, but it falls flat in parts, and becomes a little tedious.
What goes up () Nice! And interesting frame, the home town of the school teacher that was supposed to go up in the Challenger space shuttle, which exploded. But has really nothing to do with the accident.
Somethings gotta give () Old people having sex. Uuuugh. :)
Year one () Another in a long line of rather disappointing Jack Black flick.
Sunshine cleaning () Lovely feelgood movie about death! Highly recommended.
Virtuality () A pilot. When the main character changes personality in the second episode then dies in the third, you sort of get the feeling that this television series won’t be long lived.
Return of the ghostbusters () No-budget fan flick. Quotes: -“I know someone who wants to beat your ass” -“Who” -“My balls”
In your dreams ()
The devils tomb () Quote: “My job is to get my team out alive. When I shoot somebody and they don’t die, it makes my job fucking hard.”
Zift () Bulgarian. Quotes: “You’ve fallen son. As low as a worm. You’ve perished. Your wick has burned out. What path did you take to lose yourself?”
The Hangover () Fun! Quotes: “Is this the real Ceasars palace? Did Ceasar live here?” + “The Best Little Chapel? It’s on the corner of Get a map and Fuck off. Find it yourself.”
From “Død snø”, the best Norwegian movie ever made. Yes, really!
= total waste of time, stay away = if you have absolutely nothing better to to = weeeell, its ok i guess, it has parts worth seeing but don’t expect too much = pretty good! but probably not worth seeing twice = really, really great = a must!
Homeboy () Mickey Rourke. Christopher Walken. A premise very similar to The Wrestler. Good stuff! Quotes: “I just flew in from the coast, my arms are tired”. + “What is jewish?”
Journal of a Contract Killer () Stay away. Europroduction, starts with VERY bad acting, and contains one scene of “movie use of computer” = randomly pushing keys on keyboard with no corresponding logic in what happens on the screen, a more unforgiving act in a movie than a carchase or using flashlights :). Quote: “You where the best and now you smell of the kitchen”.
City Rats () British flick from 2009, with a great tagline: Life isn’t like it is in the movies… Quotes: “If I see you again I’m going to do something and you will not like it. I probably won’t hit you, but I will piss in your handbag, and maybe your face. Ok?” + She: “Want a drink?” He: “I live to drink.” + Man buying watermelon: “If I drop one of these from a roof, which one will make the most mess?” + – Why do you have that picture on your fridge? – I used to know a guy in the scrubs. He had a picture, a Ferrari or whatever on his wall. He said it gave him something to aim for when he got out. He got out, O.D., never got a car. So I have a beer on there, cuz all I have to do is open my fridge in the morning, and I’ve achieved my goal for the day. Good to start on a positive.” + She: “You’re an alcoholic.” He: “Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk.”
Fanboy () Kind of dissapointing, but perhaps my hopes where set to high after literally years of news about this Star Wars tribute movie. Still, entertaining enough, and gave me alot of laughs. Quotes: “Get the hell out of here you Kirk loving Spock suckers!” + “Our names shall become legend, spoken in hushed tones by nerds across the galaxy” + “Captain Picard is not gay, he is British!” + “You’re cool as balls you burned out old hash-head” + “That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard since Schumacher put nipples on Batman” + “The password: Scruffy Nerfherder” + “Chewie, prepare to make the jump to hyperspeed” + “What in Gods name is living on your chest? It looks like you fell on Alf” + “Did THEY name their right hand Leia?”
State of play () Whatever, seen this plot so many times before, and State of play adds very little new to the political thriller genre.
Valkyrie () Tom Cruise suites the role of a one eyed ex-Nazi! Based on a true story, read more about it on Wikipedia Quote: “I’d like a pistol please, for personal reasons”
S. Darko () I keep waiting for the pornmusic to start, so this movie is a total FAIL. Donnie Darko was a masterpiece, but this is just a sucky teenangst tease flick with a few “spooky” scenes w/voicechanger thrown in. (Wikipedia ). Donnie Darko’s writer and director, Richard Kelly, has stated that he has no involvement with S. Darko. He stated “To set the record straight, here’s a few facts I’d like to share with you all — I haven’t read this script. I have absolutely no involvement with this production, nor will I ever be involved.” Chris Fisher, director of S. Darko, noted that he was an admirer of Kelly’s film, and that he hoped “to create a similar world of blurred fantasy and reality.” Quote: “In highschool, you are eighter invisible or an asshole.”
Big Eden () Feelgood. Reminds me of Nothern Exposure, one of my favorite “rural” tv-series. But falls flat after a while.
Showgirls () Horrible movie, but some really hot scenes will full nudity is always a boon, and a Hollywood rarity.
Star Trek () 2009. Just saw Star Trek on a 4k cinema projector. Pretty cool, best Trek movie ever. But it has a few plot holes, and takes some shortcuts.
Star Trek First Contact () Gigantic plot hole. The Borg adapt to phaser fire. So why not have the computer replicate old bullet-based weapons? Case closed, battle won, movie over in 10 minutes. Quotes: “Resistance is futile.” + “Borg. Sounds Sweedish!” + “The economics of the future is somewhat different. Money doesn’t exist in the 24th sentury. The acquisition of wealth is no longer the driving fource in our lives. We work to better ourselves and the rest of humanty.” + “If you where any other man, I would kill you where you stand” – Worf
Star Trek 7 – Generations () I wonder why most of the Star Trek movies (except the last one) looks like it was produced for television, with flat colors and veeery safe action. Quotes: Data: I hate this! Its revolting? Bartender: “More?” Data, enthusiasticly: “Please!” + “They say that time is the fire in which we burn. Right now my time is running out. We leave som many things unfinished in our lives.” + “Building a life”
[embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/XIx4pbOfOFg] Død Snø () Ekstremt bra, og utrolig morsom! Må si jeg begynner å få tilbake troen på norsk film. Sitat: “Æ sa vi sku reise te Sunny Beach!”
Timebandits () Quote: “When I have understanding in computers, I shall be the supreme being. God isn’t interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time. 43 species of parrot. Nipples for men.” + “If I where creating a world I wouldn’t mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers. Eight-o-clock! Day 1!”
X-Men () Yay! Wolverine! Again, on DVD. Nice to watch this after the new Wolverine. Wolverine: “Hey hey hey, its me.” Gay guy with laser eyes AKA Cyclops: “Prove it.” Wolvering: “You’re a dick.” Cyclops: “OK”
Goodfellas () 1990. Nice continuous shot in the restaurant about 16 minutes in. Many of the actors from Sopranos appear in this.
Star 10 – Nemesis () Why is the light always so damned flat in all the Star Trek movies? Plot hole. If you are a clone, and need a blood transfusion from the orignial, why not create another clone? Q uotes: “Data: I aspire to be better than I am” + “Tea, earl Grey. Hot.”
Star Trek 9 – Insurrection () Quotes: “We believe that when you create a machine to do the work of a man, you take something away from the man” + “In the case of a water landing, I’ve been designed to serve as a floatation device” – Data + “Some of the darkest chapters in the history of my world involved the forced relocation of a small group of people to satisfy the demands of a large one.” -Picard + “I have an odd craving for the blood of a live Colar beast” – Worff + “Have you noticed that your boobs has started to firm up?” – Data to Worff + “Data. Don’t forget. You have to have a little fun every day”
Star Trek 6 – Undiscovered country ()
Angels and demons () Tom Hanks should stop acting and concentrate on driving his electric car. Angels and Demons is a dreadful europroduction with a plot so dull you could cry.
The Protector () The Protector aka “don’t fuck with my elephant or I will rip your ass off and shove it up your penis” http://is.gd/BpoS Not exactly art, but entertaining and spectacular. The Protector has the most insane continuous shot fight sequence ever filmed. According to the bonus material the 6 min continuous shot on The Protector is “real”. See it on youtube http://is.gd/Bq1Y 6 out of 6 stars just for this scene. Incredible work! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0427954/
Zombie Strippers () Boy to his virgin christian girlfriend about to strip for her grandmas operation: “Well if you must… I’m gonna watch”
Star Trek 5 – The Final Frontier () Cool intro. Quotes: “The most important reason to climb a mountain: Because its there” – Captain Kirk + “I don’t want my pain taken away. I need my pain.”
Star Trek 1 – The motion picture () Surprisingly good, I liked the tempo, and the plot was philosophic and nice like it should be in any good sci-fi movie. Cheesy bluescreen effects here and there, but the special effects are otherwise pretty good. I believe this is my favorite Star Trek movie. The plot device where the Enterprise has some kind of technical problemem is starting to wear thin, and so is the endless sequences of panning and zooming over the star ship, and the reunion of the crew. But I do love Kirks “anti hero” status, and that two crewmembers dies the first time they use the transporter. It brings a much needed darkness to the story.
Star Trek 2 – Wrath of Kahn () Bones is drunk as a skunk in this movie, as he was in all the episodes of the original series. And it references the newest movie as well. Severe plotholes: 1) Checkov not knowing that the planet about to be fubared by the Genesis project was inhabited by humans exiled there by Kirk. 2) The only surviving organism left on the planet is highly specialized and needs a mammal cotex for it’s offspring to grow. Quotes: “As all living things : Each according to his gifts” + “The need of the many outweigh the needs of the few”
Star Trek 3 – The search for spock () Quote: Scotty to talking elevator: “Up your shaft”
Star Trek 4 – The Voyage Home () Quotes: “Do you guys like italian? Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes you do. Spock: Yes. + Scott talking into 20th century computer mouse: “Hello computer”
“I Love You, Man” () Quotes: “I need to get some fucking friends.” + “It’s a man date” + “No lag between the vag” + “Every once in a while I go down to the boardwalk and throw my feces like a gorilla.” + “Welcome to the temple of doom” + “This is where I jerk off” + “Mother fucker fucking cock in my fucking “I’m 89 years old, what the fuck kind of plans would I have”
I’m still hard at work trying to watch 365 movies in 2009. It’s going pretty good so far, I’m still a little bit ahead.
My rating system:
= total waste of time, stay away = if you have absolutely nothing better to to = weeeell, its ok i guess, it has parts worth seeing but don’t expect too much = pretty good! but probably not worth seeing twice = really, really great = a must!
The movies I watched in april
Absurdistan () Absurdistan is a charming and sweet black comedy / love story from a dusthole located somewhere in the former Soviet Union, where the women go on a sex strike to get their lazy men to fix the water supply. Reminds me of the wonderful movies of Emir Kusturica, especially Black cat White cat, and also the dirty grittyness of Delikatessen. Must keep an eye on future films from director Veit Kelmer. (IMDB / Wikipedia)
Paul Blart – Mall cop () If you have nothing better to do, then sure.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine () I want to be Wolverine. I already have a broken heart and a distrust for authorities. All I need is adamantium claws. Quote: “I think there is a naked man in the barn”
The Spirit () The first 40 minutes was a massive dissapointment. The lack of humour drew attention to the bad acting and blatant thievery of the Sin City estetic (and technology). But at 40 minutes or so it started to pick up, and the gags and dialog started to tickle my fancy. Highlight: Samuel L. Jackson as a nazi with an egg hangup! Hysterical! Perhaps the director fucked this one up, because if the first 40 minutes had been as funny as the rest, this would have been a .
Closer () Quotes: “-I don’t eat fish. -Why not? -Fish piss in the sea. -So does children. -I don’t eat children eighter.” + “She: Do you want to discuss art? It’s a lie. It’s a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautfully and all the glittering assholes who appreciale art say it’s beautiful because that is what they want to see. But the people in the photos are sad and alone but the pictures make the world seem beautiful. So the exhibitions is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everybody loves a big fat lie. He: I’m the big fat lies boyfriend.” + “She: Why is the sex so important? He: BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING CAVE MAN!!” + “Thank you for your honesty, now fuck off and die you fucked up slag.”
The Motorcycle Diaries () The formative journey of revolutionary hero Che Guevera trough latin america. 8000 miles on an old Norton 500 motorcycle sounds fantastic.
Fame () Still fantastic! Fun, and very dark at the same time.
Seven Pounds () My girlfriend hadn’t seen it yet, and I wanted to see if it still held up. And it does. Quote: “You are a good man even when you don’t know that people are watching you.”
Barbarella () Awful, but in a splendid way. A total turkey. Jane Fonda is absolutely hillarious in this. Quote: “Decruxify the angel or I will melt your face” + “A life without cause is a life without effect” [embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/1uwNEnh9uaM]
Skjult () Norwegian movie, s my comments are too: Faen i helvete så skummel! Dog: Karin Parks karakter trekker litt ned, litt for twin peaks psuedoskummel (= bryter illusjonen). Mange løse tråder når filmen er ferdig, men på en god måte, hjernen kan fortsette å jobbe litt.
Somers town () Again! Needed something light after Skjult.
Gummo () Quite disturbing. Dark stuff from director Harmony Korine (who wrote the screenplay for Kids) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gummo Oh, and I recommend this rather strange video from David Letterman, where a coked up Korine said (among other strange and very funny things) : “I want to direct the sequel to Titanic. I’d use a rowboat. And I don’t know if it would sink”
Julien donkey boy () Hated every second of it! Argh! Cruel, soulless and pretentious. This one also from Harmony Korine. And it is a “Dogme”-movie by the way.
Observe and Report () Actually very funny from Seth Rogen. A little bit too similar to Mall Cop perhaps?
The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes Smarter Brother () Gene Wilder. :)
The Secret life of Bees () Sweet, and sad, and beautiful. Quotes: “- Don’t get your hopes up. – They have no where else to go.” +The rules of beekeeping (and everything). Don’t be afraid. Don’t be an idiot. Don’t swat. Send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved” + “Sometimes not feeling is the only way to survive.” + “I’m unloveabe” + “We like to think that love is pure and limitless. But love like that can’t exist in a hateful time.” [embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/pVCil2oSNYY]
Knowing (, because its sci-fi!) Dissapointing. A Sci-fi movie about the destruction of mankind, and still they manage to screw it up with a car chase(!) while the earth is burning up, a predictable and boring plot. Boo! Observation: Aliens like fucking around in the fog at night wearing long black trenchcoats. And they like bunnies. Phat!
Killshot () I’m taking a detour down the dirty and pockmarked road of Mickey Rourkes movie career in reverse. Last: “The Wrestler” (hurray!). Now: “Killshot” (2008). Quite funny to start with, but turned dark halfway in. Observation: You know your life is fucked when you break into a house that has a huge For Sale sign in front. Quote: “Real life, what the fuck is that?”
Last Chance Harvey () Being a hopeless romantic, I loved this movie, starring Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. I always feel like the outsider in social settings, even with my own family, so this melancholic movie is hitting close to home. Kind of an eyeopener really. If you are one of those people who feel confortable and sort of content when you hit rock bottom, you will probably like this. Quotes: “You’re good, you still know how to make me feel like a piece of shit in 30 seconds”. + “Your day may have been shitty, but mine was shittier”. + “Someway along the way I lost her. I woke up one morning and felt like i didnt belong. I always had this feeling in my stumach that they where a bit embarrased by me.” + “I was not a great father” + “The blood oozes from his wound like dark chocolate on a warm summers day.” – author reading from his book.
Barfly () Starring Mickey Rourke, directed by Francis Ford Coppula, written by Charles Bukowski. Year: 1987. (IMDB) The acting in this thing is fucking awful! I didn’t remember that from the last time I saw it. Quote: “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live”. -Charles Bukowski + “Come closer, I need to tell you something. Your mothers cunt (* sniffs *) stinks like carpet cleaner”. + “I’d hate to be you if I where me” + “She: I hate people. Do you hate people? -He: No, but I seem to feel better when they’re not around” + “No money, no job, no ride. Hey! Back to normal!” + “She: Don’t you hate cops? He: No, but I seem to feel better when they’re not around” + “She: I don’t want to fall in love. He: Don’t worry, nobody ever loved me yet” + “Last time I saw you, you had nothing. Now you have a woman and a radio!” + “Hatred, the only thing that lasts” [embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/-vgTfABxyS0]
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man () 1991. Mickey Rourke. Don Johnson. I had forgotten that this movie had a plot. :) Quotes: “It’s better to be dead and cool, than alive and uncool” – Harley Davidson “My dad used to tell me, before he left this shitty world, that the right woman can make you, and the wrong woman can break you.” – Marlboro Man
The Shawshank Redemption () Quotes: “Put your trust in the Lord. Your ass belongs to me” + “What is your malfunction, you fat barrel of monkey spunk.”
Johnny Handsome () 1989. Mickey Rourke as the elephant man (sort of).
Angel Heart () A masterpiece of cinematography and storytelling. And it has the most amazing sex-scene ever. Directed by Alan Parker , who also made Birdy, Fame and the Commitments, all some of my favorite fims. [embed:http://www.youtube.com/v/YAajViC5R18]
Seven Dead Men () Low budget selfpublished movie that frankly sucks ass. But hey, it’s free and legal to download, which is a rarity! The dialog has a few nuggets, but technically it is very rudimentary. The most irritating part is that it tries to be Pulp Fiction or Clerks, but without the charm. Most of the scenes are shot in cars, or at tables, from two angles. I like the two dudes in the suits though.
The Adventure of Sherlock Homes’ smarter brother () I don’t think so.
The Commitments () My god I love this movie! Quotes: “Elvis is GOD!” + “Auditoner sings: Heaven knows I’m miserable now . Mangager: Yeah, I know how you feel” + “That’s fucking blasphemy. Elvis wasn’t a cajun!” + “I’m black and I’m proud.” + “Pick a nipple and try it again” + “I need something to look forward to” + “- He’s a savage. – Yes, but he is our savage” + “That’s guerilla with a “U, not an O” + “The lead singer has a voice Bob Geldof would starve for”
Come see the paradise () A movie about the US internmentcamps during world war 2, ruled unconstitutional towards the end of the war. Directed by Alan Parker. Quotes: “When you lose your self respect you truly have nothing” + ” A wasp always stings a crying face”.